I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
