The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
