angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
