While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
