i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
