Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
