we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
