if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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