I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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