You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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