So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
