I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
