he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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