don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
