can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
