i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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