remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I cut my penus on the lid.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
