dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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