i permit you to call me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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