Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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