I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
