The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
