So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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