White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
