No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
