tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
