Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
