I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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