I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
