thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
