we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
