you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
