Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hippo gnu deer
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize