My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
