I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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