I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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