I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
