let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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