this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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