you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
