you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
