My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
