In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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