my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
