Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
