Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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