I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
