hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
