if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
one might say we're banned from that church
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
