Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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