i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize