Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
