Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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