the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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