wakey wakey hands off snakey
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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