Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
