I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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