Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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