We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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