I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
