Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
