i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my poor anus
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
