You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
