I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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