then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
