he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
