I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
