someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
