I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
