Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
