nut hugger
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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