Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
