Its about making memories worth repressing
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize