Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
