Three words: puerto rican gang bang
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
