I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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