I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
