So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
