just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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